Who I wanted to be...

In some ways I have always know who I wanted to be. I wanted to be a mother, a friend, an educated woman, a career woman, a dancer, a faithful leader.. basically everything.

As life has played out - I suck at dancing. Unless it’s 3am in a busy nightclub or 11am in my kitchen with the wiggles blasting, you won’t catch me dancing.

An educated woman - I feel like I achieved this somewhat. I mean I dropped out of uni, I sucked school that’s for sure. I do feel though like I am educated enough for what I want to do in life.

A career woman - well this is what my intentions were joining the Navy. It was the job I worked hard to get into and I thought I would be in for life.. yet here I am nearly four years after enlisting, planning my exit.

A friend - well I can count on one hand the friends that I hold close. Those who no matter time and distance will always be there. I have done a blog on friendships before. I stand by all I said then. Friendships and me have never been easy.

A faithful leader - well my time in church leadership came and went EXTREMELY quickly. Back when I was in high school i gave up Friday nights, Sunday nights and several days between for it all to rapidly end. That’s a story for another time.

That leaves behind.. a mother..

I am a mother, to my two beautiful children. I love and breathe for the two little souls I have brought into this world. Their cheeky personalities and capturing Smiles. These two children are without a doubt me.

I used to think it was sad when parents lived everything for their children. Did they not have friends anymore? Didn’t they want to do things without their kids? Now I am in the situation I without a doubt understand where mothers (and fathers) come from when they surround themselves with their kids.

The cuddles when Xavier feels overwhelmed and tired (rare now so I embrace them always), the chuckles Bailey gives at a 2am feed, the tears that roll down Xavier’s cheeks when he looses his blue teddy.. these are all moments I hold close in my heart.

The point of this rant you ask? The point is, at 24 I still have no idea who I am. I have no idea what I want to be or do. All I know is that my children and I will be together, no matter what happens in life or where I go, they are what matters.

Once I leave the Navy, who knows what will happen? Will I secure admin work? Will I go back to pharmacy? Will I have a new path all together? I am not sure. What I do know is I will take the opportunity ahead and use it to better my family in any way I can.

Until next time,

OnePlusOneEqualsFour x