The brutal world of mum shaming...

Welcome back to the wild world of Bec. So if you follow me across all my platforms, you will know I have been fairly all over the shop lately. With moving homes, deciding to discharge from the Navy and a whole lot more.. I have been a mess.

However we have finally moved in, I am kinda unpacked.. and we are ready to get back into it!

Last week I did a poll on my Instagram and it seems to me that the vast majority wanted this blog to happen.. the blog on MUM SHAMING! I was honestly so heartbroken that so many wanted it though, as it means more likely than not, these women have all felt the same way I had.

Let me tell you about just one of two situations I am going to discuss here. You can tell me in the comments if you think it was as crazy as I thought!

Situation one -

As I have discussed before, when Xavier was only a tiny newborn I made the decision that breastfeeding him was not for me and changed him to formula. This was for a mix of reasons - he had undiagnosed tongue and lip ties, I Was sinking deep into PND and mentally couldn’t cope, he was hungry hungry hungry and i just couldn’t keep up. Now for a while I regretted that decision.. why?! BECAUSE OF MUM SHAMING. However this is not the shaming I am here to discuss. Now I have been extremely vocal in my efforts to breastfeed Bailey. I am still feeding her now at nearly five months and I can’t tell you how HAPPY I am to be able to do this. Yet not long ago, I did some Instagram stories feeding her only to get a message saying the following stupid thing..

“She didn’t suck once through that story, you need to cut it out as she clearly DOES NOT want it. Give her a bottle already”..

Ok so at first I was mad, then I was confused and then I was PISSED. I was mad as who was this person to say crap about me feeding my child, I was confused as did this person really sit there staring and my child latched onto my nipple enough to notice if she was sucking?Then I was pissed because who was this person to comment on if my child wanted to be feeding and then throw in a give her a bottle?! WTF.

Eventually I worked up the courage to block the crap out of that person and boy did it feel GOOD! I know I share a lot about our lives on here and my Instagram.. but that does NOT give anyone the right to give unsolicited advice like that.

That message made me realise that no matter what you do as a mum, you can simply not win! You see, when I had Xavier I was told by a 'close friend' that if I wasn't prepared to breastfeed him and give him what he needed, why would I have him? Now that I am breastfeeding Bailey I am told that I am not enough for her. What kind of a messed up world do we live in that we need to make a mum feel guilty for feeding her child? Formula, breastmilk, puree or finger foods.. WHO CARES. I honestly do not think that ANYONE should comment on how a mum feeds her children unless they are a health professional. Lets start encouraging one another and stop the hate. Lets talk situation two - As we are all well aware of by now.. WE MOVED! To make our lives easier through this move, we packed Xavier up a few days earlier than the move and I dropped him off to my parents. He adores them as much as they adore him so I knew he would have the best time. You see from only a few months old I felt comfortable leaving Xavier for short periods of time with either my parents or Sean's parents. This was for several reasons of either work commitments (hello Navy), Daycare issues, Sean and I coming down with Gastro and also when I was told that I was miscarrying early on in my pregnancy with Bailey and I needed to focus on that situation. Whist we moved Xavier stayed a total of eight days with my parents. There he went out for play time at parks, coffee with my mums friends and lots more adventures. He also came with my parents to the new house for a few hours one of the days whilst they helped up set up some of the things we have. I didn't see anything wrong with him staying with my parents. In fact I was EXCITED! Do you know how hard it is to pack a house, move a house and unpack a house with a toddler that walks around behind you unpacking everything?!It is DAMN hard. You may be wondering why I am talking about this? Well in glides that mum shame train again! I was told by someone I used to deem a close friend that she thought it was NEGLECTFUL that I was leaving Xavier for someone else to deal with... Ok.. Neglectful? How is it neglectful to leave him with two people (three including my younger brother) who ADORE him. I video called him roughly 4-6 times a day including to watch him eat his breakfast and dinner, watch him having a dance off with my parents to the wiggles, watch him playing with my parents dog molly and SO many more moments. I can understand in some aspects if she thought I was just throwing him to the wolves and into an unsafe situation but I can assure you this was not the case. I believe as mums there is so much pressure to do everything yourself. Wash the clothes, cook the food, wipe the tears, stay up all night with a sick child, be there for all their moments and milestones. Yes that could be what is best for the child, but what about what is best for the parents?! I can tell you now that Sean and I are KILLING for a date night. Our relationship needs adult time as much as it needs family time. I can also tell you that I as a mum, NEED alone time. I think this time around I have been so much better at assuring I get that time - in the way of doing this blog. It gives me a moment to myself to talk about what is going on in our lives instead of bottling it all up. I am here to give one huge public service announcement... IT IS NOT NEGLECT TO HAVE YOUR CHILD STAY WITH SOMEONE ELSE SO YOU CAN WORK, MOVE, EXERCISE, STUDY OR ANY OTHER BLOODY ACTIVITY THAT A CHILD IS NOT INVOLVED IN! Telling me that it is neglectful that he spent a week with my parents is like telling me it was neglectful to send him to childcare so as I could return to work and help support my family. Its whack! The moral of this blog is we NEED to stop shaming mums! Unless a child is at risk of physical or mental harm then YOU DO YOU MUMMA! You make the choices, you make that day go easier on all of you. I know its hard not to have an opinion on things sometimes but right here, right now - make the promise to yourself and every other mum out there that you will NOT put your crappy comments forwards to the mum. You will smile, nod and walk away. As I can promise you that your cruddy comments will ruin her day and sometimes her whole week. Anywho, I have ranted enough for tonight. The blog was late yet again.. MY BAD. Join me on the blog next week to talk about the big move (for real this time not my ramblings from last time). As always, please like comment and share with your friends! Until next time, Bec xx