The wild world of mum guilt and my inner circle

Lets talk mum guilt! This is something that has been playing on my mind for quite some time now. Like why is this even a thing? Us mums work damn hard to keep our little ones healthy, happy and well.. alive! Yet almost daily we feel at least some level of mum guilt. It may be because of our work schedule, financial situation, ability to have the latest and greatest or it may be because we couldn’t be bothered to cook dinner tonight so the toddler is eating hot chips and party pies for dinner… again.

For me mum guilt is something I struggle with on a daily basis. Am I good enough? Are my babies happy enough? Am I giving them the best life possible? I feel guilt from strangers when they make comments about my parenting choices. I feel guilt from my partner if he asks why I didn't take the kids for a walk that day. I feel guilt from myself for deciding to give Xavier a packet of tiny teddies as a snack as I didn't want to cut up fresh fruit. Mum guilt sneaks into our mind from EVERYWHERE. Something that happened recently to make me feel major mum guilt was when Xavier was playing around the dining/ kitchen area of our home whilst Sean finished organising dinner. You see Xavier is obsessed with his daddy and will do anything to be close to him once he comes home from work. I was feeding Bailey and assumed that Sean was watching Xavier show off. Xavier, as every toddler does, decided to explore something new… this something new however was the frying pan on the stove. He reached up whilst Sean had his head turned and burnt two finger tips. Cue the instant screaming. Sean quickly got his hand under some cool water to help with the burn. This few second mistake took several hours of screaming, some Panadol, burn gel, burn cream, icepacks, milk to drink and lots of cuddle to fix. I felt so guilty that I decided to feed Bailey early so as she would let us eat dinner in peace that I wasn’t concentrating on Xavier whilst Sean cooked.

Now days later I look at the little blisters on his fingers and as horrible as it is I know that he wouldn’t have stopped trying to touch the frying pan until it got to this. Now he stands well back and blows towards the pan like he does with his dinner if it is too warm.. cute moment out of a not so cute situation. Mums we work so hard to keep our little ones safe, however we can not wrap them in complete bubble wrap all day long. Whilst of course we will do our best to minimise harm, sometimes accidents will happen. If you feel guilty about what you feed your children, how much you have to work to support your children, the brand of clothing that your child wears or even how many times you tell them you love them each day.. please know that your little ones see you and know that you are their mum. that you are there for them every single day no matter if they are home with you or at school or daycare. Through my pregnancy with Bailey I felt quite a lot of mum guilt. Xavier being so young still I feared that once Bailey was born I would not be able to give him the attention and love that he deserved. Each time that I voiced these concerns I was told not to worry, that he would be completely fine. I still worried myself sick. You see, telling a mum who is so far into her mind with mum guilt that its fine and that you shouldn't be worrying is just going to make her stress even more! Instead of that why don't we start offering to HELP our fellow mums. What do you need? A coffee? time to go to the toilet alone for thirty seconds? Someone to tell you that you work damn hard and they are so proud of you? Well my friends, those who are new to my blog.. I am here to be that person for you. I will always be a message or call away to any of my mum friends. A coffee at the park whilst the kids run wild? sounds like my kind of morning. A phone call where you can vent all of your worries? let me sit down so I can give you my all. You see when I had Xavier.. I didn't have that support. I didn't have people I could turn to in order to vent my guilt. After a while of struggling alone I learnt to reach out to people in my outer circle and tell them I needed that support. I needed to be able to vent with no fear of backlash. I needed to be able to ask for advice or share my experience in life. I met one of my closest friends through an online support group for Military spouses. Whilst I was only in this group for a short amount of time, It is the reason I have some of my most trusted friends. You see one of them reached out to me one day and asked if I am ok.. Turns out her partner was on the same ship as Sean and we began talking all the time. About a week or two later she came to my house and hung out with me and Xavier for a few hours. We chatted non stop about anything and everything. This friend has been there for me ever since. We have shared some of our darkest secrets, our happiest moments and everything in between. I would be lost without her being there for me! This same friend also introduced me to another spouse who had her partner on the same ship again! This person is now one of the most amazing women I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. She is so honest, supportive and brutally truthful.. everything a girl needs in her mum friend! These two girls have impacted my life more than i can explain. When you have never truly had friends that stay in your life, meeting women like these is lifechanging. These are the kind of friends who would support you to the end and back. The kind of friends who are there when you need to vent, cry or just need to go radio silent on them. Fun fact, the three of us may live in the same major city, but we also live a significant driving distance apart. I still talk to them almost daily and we are still always there to support and encourage one another. We have been together through injuries, engagement, babies being born and so many other milestones. My circle may be small but it is faithful and supportive. I wouldn't have it any other way. I am all for empowering others and showing them that what they are going through, feeling and doing is completely normal. My circle helps keep my mum guilt at bay as I hope that I could do for them. OnePlusOneEqualsFour will always be a story of my life, my kids lives. It is a way for me to express how I have grown as a person. How I have learnt to be, me. Until next time friends, xx