The things I learnt from my two caesareans..

First of all i want to start by asking - Did you know that it is Caesarean awareness month? How did i not know that this was a thing! As a mum who has had two caesareans I feel like i should be celebrating all month long like the lead up to Christmas! You see I have had mixed feeling throughout the last few years.. do I regret my surgeries? Do I feel less of a mum for them? Do I feel like I nailed birth? The thing about caesareans is, they are seen as the ’worst possible situation’. I remember in my birth/ parenting sessions before having Xavier that we were told over and over again by the midwife that a caesarean is what happens when things go wrong. The only thing other than that we were told is “be lucky you aren’t going to have one”.

Well fast forward a few weeks and there I was having 'the worst possible situation' as my reality. I had an emergency caesarean and suddenly I realised that I wasn’t sure how to care for myself. I mean all the mums groups, online forums, blogs that I had seen all spoke about caesarean births as inadequate, something that the medical system forces on mothers... those of us who have had caesareans often made to feel like we failed at something. When in actual fact we did something amazing. We gave birth to a beautiful little human! Even the second time around, I asked medical professionals for more information regarding caesareans the first time around I went in with no information at all. I struggled to get information that was really relevant to me. It seemed to be skimmed over and then an emphasis of AFTER the baby is born.

If you, like me are wondering where to find tips and what to expect for a caesarean and its recovery.. than look no further! Here is my guide to a caesarean.

** please note that I am not a medical professional, this is purely things that helped ME and things that were suggested to my by my medical staff **

My first recovery tip is get yourself a good belly band! For my second caesarean I had the a recovery belt. This way probably the best version I have found as I could adjust the compression throughout the day as needed. I did also have compression shorts and singlets from this same store that I wore in the weeks after the belt. This just allowed me to feel like I wasn't a bag of jelly! Most hospitals will give you flexi tube to pull up over your body.. but it is NOT comfortable nor does it stay put.

Keep that scar dry girl! The best way I found is to get a pantyliner and fold it over the waistband of your undies. That way the liner will collect the moisture off the scar instead of sitting there. Honestly it is going to prevent you getting all sweaty down there. My biggest hate of my surgery is the new pouch I have above the scar! It leaves this weird area that collects the heat. Take stool softeners! I don't care what anyone says, this to me is HUGE! Soften those stools ladies as you will feel like your body is being ripped open all over again. The first post partum... bathroom experience will not be pretty. Each day your midwife will talk to you about your bodily functions and lord please tell her the truth! After Xavier was born I was so excited to go home that I told them I had let out wind and gone to the bathroom when in actual fact I hadn't.. fast forward to 24 hours after getting home and it was MURDER! Soften those stools ladies and if you are having issues tell them! Live in your nana undies! Girl if you think your normal boy briefs will cut it, then think again! You need to go to Kmart, head to the undergarment section and find yourself the BIGGEST and SOFTEST underwear that you can find. When your looking, just imagine to yourself **What undies would my nana wear** This is the style you want to go for. They will be comfortable against your scar, they will be big enough to hold the surfboard of a maternity pad that you need to wear and they will also deter your partner from wanting sex whilst you recover.. well in my mind they will! Know when to get help. After I returned home with Bailey I was straight back into normal life. I was lifting Xavier, playing games and going up and down our giant set of stairs over and over again. This was great up until I got an infection in my scar.. brilliant! I was placed on anti biotics but when they failed to help it took me some time to get a doctor to listen, look and treat what was going on. This is when a doctor told me about wound spray.. it literally changed the game for me. Spraying it on my scar twice a day and letting it dry out helped so much with the scars healing. ---- One thing I didn't know about having my caesarean is that I would feel an overwhelming sense of emptiness. When you go through to recovery without your partner and child you will all of a sudden feel alone. The nurses will be talking to you and checking you over but your 100% focus will be on where your child was, are they ok, are they hungry or are they cold? Some people will be fine. It will be so normal for them and they will then breeze through parenthood. However if you are like me, you will struggle. you will begin to feel dis-attached and guilty. Dis-attached as you missed that initial bonding which mothers crave and brag about, dis-attached as you were not the first to cuddle and smile with your baby, not the first to take photos with them and not the first to change their nappy. Guilty for the reasons I just listed and guilty for not being able to birth them the way that you should have. Mum, mum to be, woman who is planning or trying to fall pregnant - I am here to tell you that you do not at all, EVER have to feel guilty for the way that you birthed/ will birth your baby. Those who drill into your head that natural birth is the best birth or natural birth is the 'normal birth' need to vacate our mental space! I spent months after Xavier was born hating his birth. I hated what happened, i hated not being there when my parents met him for the first time. I wanted so badly to forget how it happened. After several months working with a psychologist and several months writing these blogs for myself and never publishing them I learnt how to be happy again. I encourage all mums to be, to research caesareans and what they entail, don't pressure yourself to have the 'perfect' birth, trust your body and your medical staff and take all of the information offered to you. No matter how it happens in the end... You have done an amazing job, you have a beautiful baby and you are now an amazing mumma! To those mums who have birthed via caesarean... Rock your scar, love your new 'shelf' of a mum tum. Focus on your baby that you now hold in your arms and love yourself! Fix your crowns queens, we had a caesarean (or more) and we rock for it. Until next time, One Plus One Equals Four x