Motherhood almost never looks the same

There is this preconception as a new mother that you need to have the best of the best, you need to do what society sees as the 'norm'. When I fell pregnant I was told that the only way to be a good mum was to breastfeed, cloth nappy, only organic foods once on solids and the child MUST have what is deemed 'best'. As a first time mum who had not spent long around babies.. THAT WAS DAUNTING! So this blog is dedicated all to how different we are as mothers. I asked around some of the most amazing women on my Instagram feed and got their opinions and reasonings behind some of the things that we decide upon as new mothers. Follow along to see how little we need to do alike to all achieve the desired affect.. A happy, clean and fed child! The first thing I asked my group of mummas is HOW did they birth their babies. As we all know by now (and if your new here, here it is!) Xavier was born via an emergency caesarean and Bailey whilst shocking to some, was born via an elective repeat caesarean. One of the ladies Pam from @highheelshighchairs had her handsome little guy Sebastian via an unplanned caesarean after a whopping 35 hours of induced labour. Whereas Monique from @the_learning_mumma had two planned caesarean births! My girl Carly from @raising.a.baker had her guy TJ vaginally via induction. Matilda had an emergency caesarean with her beautiful little girl. Jess had an emergency caesarean after being hospitalised at 31 weeks due to progressing high blood pressure which in the end turned into severe pre eclampsia - The poor thing had to have 24 tablets a day! At 34w2d her blood pressure reached a crazy height and she was rushed to surgery. I asked this question to point out how individual all birth experiences are. No two births are the same, yet at the end we get to leave that room as mothers, for the first, second or many more time. It doesn't matter if your birth does not go to plan, whether you begged for the drugs minutes into labour or you elected to go straight to surgery and go under for the big moment. At the end of the day, your experience is your own, your birth is your own and you should be DAMN PROUD of what your body went through. I mean later on when your kid is crying about a paper cut, remind them f how heavy they were at birth and what you had to go through to get them here! These days mums get so much pressure to stay home and take care of their babies, yet to also work hard to earn a living and in return support their family financially. I know that I was torn with the decision when it came time to returning to work. I wanted to help support our family, yet I wanted to never have to leave my little guy behind. For the first few weeks I called every hour to ask his educators how he was, as if they wouldn't call me as soon as he needed me... I asked the mums what their decision had led to, stay at home or working mum? Monique was planning on retuning to work when her eldest turned one however decided against it when she found but she was expecting again. She now plans to return to work when her youngest turns one, stating she loves being home with the kids but looking forwards to retuning to work and gaining more responsibility and something other than just being 'mum'. Carly has just gone back to work, this was a super hard decision for her, Both her and her partner wanted her to stay home but financially, she had to return (hello damn Sydney living), Carly is back two days a week. Matilda stayed home for the first six months before returning to work fulltime. Her little one goes to Daycare and her nans house whilst she works.

Pam is my major working mum inspo! She shared this about her experiences “Working mom. Full time career mama and wouldn't want it any other way. I can't imagine staying home all day, I admire mamas who do--it's just not for me. To be the very best mom and role model I can be for the my children, I want them to know you don't have to give up your career and dreams if you don't want too. It's the hardest thing I have ever done--working full time and being a mom--but its so worth it. My mother raised three of us--alone, and before we all graduated high school--she had her PhD. She is working mom goals and I admire her work ethic and hustle. If she can do it alone, with three kids and no spouse--- anyone can!“ When it comes to feeding our babies, all mummas know that there is pressure on both sides of that fence. Some people are extreme "Breast is best" whereas some just want to feed their babies formula because of their own personal choices. For me, I formula fed Xavier from around 9 days old. I felt like I had no other choice as at the time my mental health was declining fast and I didn't have enough knowledge then to know WHY it hurt me so bad and WHY I felt like the worst mum in the world as he would scream of hunger after feeding for an hour straight. With Bailey I decided to arm myself with knowledge and support networks. I learnt all about tongue and lip ties (both of which Xavier had - hello pain town!), I went to support meetings where they showed me the best positions to feed depending on the situation, I had the backing of my family and one particular friend who was there for my million and one annoying questions. I asked my mummas how they fed their babies and if there was a specific reasoning behind their decisions. Monique tried to breastfeed both of her babies however after an extremely traumatic birth and the pressure and pain of breastfeeding she swapped to bottles after a few weeks. Once her daughter was born, it was so painful that she also swapped her to bottles. Bottle-feeding is what worked for her and her children's needs! Pam nursed for three months before continuing to pump exclusively until Sebastian was six months. Pam said this about her feeding journey "I absolutely HATED breastfeeding. It was uncomfortable and made me very anxious and resentful - and surprisingly enough, it had nothing to do with the baby - he was a great nurser - I just did not enjoy it at all." This mum recognised her needs as well as her babies and did what was right for them both! Matilda is now bottle feeding, she tried to breastfeed for three weeks however it hurt a lot and she ended up with split nipples due to inverted nipples. She was stressed, deflated and hating being a mum, so she did what was best for her family and swapped to full bottle feeding. Jess said the following about feeding her boy "We mix feed! Bubba was in NICU for 10 days and I was not well after bub was born so he was formula fed through tube – my milk unfortunately took a while to come in but on day 8 we started our breastfeeding journey and left day 10 fully breastfed. Mix feeding started as I have a VERY hungry baby and my nipples could not keep up with all the cluster feeding." All of us could recognise that there were MANY things about parenting that we wish we knew before we got into it. For this I'm just going to list what each of us answered as the responses were AMAZING! Here is what we would tell a new mum if we had the chance! Carly - "Get yourself a good GP, you will see them A LOT. Feeling flat and lonely at the beginning is normal and it feels overwhelming but its going to be okay" Pam - "Enjoy every moment. do things that make you happy, stop doing things that don't. Only YOU know what your baby needs. A mothers instinct is stronger than any Facebook article or mum group." Monique - "If your baby screams in the car - it does get better!! When Luca was around 4 months old he decided he hated the car and would scream so much wherever we went. It was honestly so stressful and distracting that I didn't want to leave the house. But it did get easier. Somethings you could try are a toy to distract them, turn the music up loud, he would eventually fall asleep." Matilda - "You do you! Yes people can suggest and recommend and speak from experience. But it is 1000% your choice if you listen or not" Jess - "Don't ever feel judged by others, do what is/ feels right for you and your baby. What works for others may not work for you, just sit back and enjoy the ride" For me, my one thing I wish I could tell a new mum is... It is ok to be selfish. Your partner and yourself are getting used to a human that will be attached to you for eighteen years! Take your time and get to know your new human. Together we have come up with a list of newborn essentials for the first time mumma, here we go! - A taggy toy - Water wipes - Carly loves these for TJs sensitive skin - A baby carrier - A kick ass breast pump - A rocker - White noise machine - Dock a tot/ co sleeper

- A pacifier A massive thank you to all the ladies that answered my questions and shared their huge parenting tips and secrets. I adore each and every one of you. Your support and love means the world. The next few weeks are busy for me here, Stay tuned next week to hear all about my trip to the Pregnancy, Baby and Children's Expo this weekend!

Love always, OnePlusOneEqualsFour