Friends can be.. testing at times

Everyone has friends right? You make your first friends when you are so young, all you want to do is play with your toys. The first friends you have are usually cousins, children of your parents friends or colleagues.. First friends are easy! Then as you grow you start to make your own friends often at school, I made these friends. These are people who I swore would be in my life forever, People that I clicked with (at least at the time). I have always been extremely self conscious with friendships, you see they never seem to last. I envy those people who are still best friends with people from their childhood. I have small contact here and there with some of the friends i had, however others are long in the past. You see I believe that friends we make can fall into several categories. These I will delve into below. Friends of pure convenience (high school) - These are the friends who will swear they will always be there. They may be at the time. These people you will tell some of your biggest secrets to. The jokes and memories you share will be everlasting, even when the friendship itself isn't. For me these friends came from high school and university, some even from the beginning of my Navy career. See you can invite these friends anywhere but as soon as its not convenient for them, you best be ready to say goodbye. Looking back at my high school life, I can say I haven't been contacted by some of my 'best friends' in years. Some of these friends i have tried to reach out to at times, however once it starts to become painfully obvious that you are being ignored, its time to let go! Now that isn't to say I don't still wish the best for these friends. They are all amazing people, going amazing places in life. University friends - These are usually all made in a drunken haze, or at least that's where I met most of mine. These people experienced many of our 'firsts' of young adulthood with me. After I dropped out of Uni I naturally lost contact with most of these friends. For them the party was still very alive where as for me, I joined the Navy where I was sober for a majority of the time, Some of these friends are now on their way to amazing careers as doctors, teachers, accountants and many other professions. If i was to see anyone of these old friends today I would be beyond excited to hear all about their amazing adventures. Adulthood friends - These are rare to come across from me. Most people I work with are all full swing into their careers, planning to go off and see the world. I however chose a different path. Sean and I welcomed Xavier last September and are currently expecting baby two. Because of this we are usually home bodies. The friends I did have before my motherhood adventure are all long gone. I hear from them every now and again if they need anything but that is really it! Mum friends - some of the best people I have ever encountered in my life. These are usually people that will drop anything and everything to help you. Some mum friendships are short lived, not for lack of trying though! Mum friends are there for you through the tantrums, poo explosions, sleepless nights and mum guilt. As a first time mum I was way too afraid of people to attend mums groups. I went to maybe two meetups of an online mum group I was in. I loved it but then I never went again, I was too afraid of not fitting in and that stopped me from even trying. Looking back now I see a missed opportunity. In my next blog I have made myself a to do list for my Maternity Leave. I am going to be using it to get out of my comfort zone and not let my anxiety of the past ruin my future. At the end of the day, I couldn't be happier where I am in life. I love my little family, trips to see my pop who lives only an hour away. I used to get down and really hate myself for not having close friends. You see my partner has a great group of guys that are always coming over for BBQ nights. He goes to see them on random adventures and not to mention his group chat that is constantly pinging. I used to wonder why I didn't have friends like that. Friends who would BBQ with us, come to the beach with us and just enjoy life together. But I am happy now. I love the group of friends my partner has brought around our family. I am happy being around people that make him happy. I cherish the time I spend with my little family and our extended family. The friends that i do have, no matter how long passes between our messages, the fact that despite living in the same city, i have not seen them in months and months; I count myself grateful that I can turn to them when I need some reassurance. That is simply enough for me, it has to be. One day I will find my people, the people that don't leave. The people that turn into family despite the fact you haven't known them your whole life. ** I in no way look back and think badly of any of my past friends or anyone really. This is simply how I feel about friendships in the past that have never stuck. I know majority of the time it was me who moved, but being forgotten will never, Not hurt.